Contains adult themes: this story is about an adult performer. Nothing explicit is described.
In brief: On Nov. 3, adult performer Colby Jansen posted on X that he cannot wait for his beard to grow back, because without it, he says, he looks like “Mall Cop.” He then asked followers who would want him to play the part. It is a joke post; no scene has been announced.
Some men shave and feel ten years younger. Colby Jansen shaved and, by his own account, turned into Paul Blart.
The award-winning performer, whose X bio boasts that he wins trophies for his work, posted a short, five-part confession on Nov. 3. “I can’t wait till my beard grows back. When I shave my face I look like Mall Cop. For real.”
View this post on X
“Mall Cop” is a reference to Paul Blart: Mall Cop, the 2009 comedy in which Kevin James plays a mall security guard with a Segway and a mustache. It is not, traditionally, a look anyone goes for on purpose. Jansen did not say which part of the resemblance bothers him most, so we will leave the mustache question alone.
From complaint to pitch
Jansen, however, is in a business where every look is a possible premise. Within the same post, the lament turned into market research. “Who wants me to bang them as Mall Cop?” he asked, and then, as if hearing a lightbulb click: “I’m on to something…”
Is he? He did not announce a shoot, a costume or a co-star, and Channel 304 is not going to invent one for him. As of publication the post reads as what it is: a man looking at his own chin and spotting a gap in the market.
The beard question
For the record, his X banner shows the bearded version: Jansen in a tuxedo and bow tie, grinning in front of a Pornhub backdrop and holding a trophy. That is the look fans know. The clean-shaven one, by his description, belongs behind a mall information desk. Fans in the replies can decide which one they prefer; Channel 304 is staying neutral on facial hair.
Whether the beard wins or Mall Cop gets a spin-off is now, apparently, up to his followers. Either way, the beard is already growing back. He said so himself.
Sources: Colby Jansen’s Mall Cop post on X, Nov. 3, 2026; his X profile; Paul Blart: Mall Cop on IMDb.